Booty Shaking and Falling in Bushes: A Majorca Conference

I had only been in my current job for three months when I was asked to go to a conference in Majorca with my boss.

Having already been on a two day cruise ship launch, I couldn’t believe my luck….could this be the career of my dreams? Two all-expenses paid trips within the space of three months? I had hit the jackpot. I still had reservations, however, because I didn’t really know my boss that well and knew that I would have to mingle and network with hundreds of people at this event, being the ‘new girl’ and all. Looking back, I had no reason to worry…it would turn out to be the best work trip I’ve ever taken.

It started off in the manner in which it would continue. I turned up at the airport for our flight to Palma to be met by my boss who announced “Everyone will think you’re my girlfriend and that we’re going away together” with a beam on his face. (I’ll point out here that my boss is a balding forty-something father of two). To which I replied, with a look of horror on my face: “More like they’ll think we’re father and daughter”. Luckily, I have the kind of relationship with my boss where I can get away with saying things like that.

We touched down in Majorca to the sun shining – this was definitely looking promising – and we went to check into the hotel. Because I was new and didn’t know anyone my boss had requested that I have my own room…this turned out to be amazing because I got a huge room with two double beds and a balcony with a view all to myself. I headed down to the bar to meet some of the people who had already checked in and it was then that I got a glimpse of what was to come over the next three days…..there were people drinking heavily already at around 2pm. Of course, this being the first day and me wanting to make a good impression, I made sure that I didn’t drink too much. Little did I know that this would actually make me stand out more…

Quite composed the first evening…

The first day passed quite uneventfully. I met as many people as possible, had a nice meal in the hotel and this was followed by more drinking and karaoke (not by me, but read about my Vietnam karaoke experience). The next day was the first full day of the conference and everyone was pumped up. There were some great inspirational speakers and the theme tune of the event was the Black Eyed Peas song “I’ve Gotta Feeling”. This set the scene for the black tie gala dinner that night, set in a stunning private mansion in the hills of Majorca (I could wax lyrical about the beauty of this property forever, but let’s face it, that’s not why you’re reading this….you want the embarrassing drunken story). Champagne was consumed, followed by white wine, followed by copious amounts of vodka. As a member of the head office team, I’d been given lots more drinks vouchers than many of the rest of the attendees. What a mistake. To say that these people can drink would be an understatement.

The stunning gala dinner venue

There was a live band (although I don’t really remember what they were singing, maybe I was at the bar?) and lots of merriment. At about 1am we all piled into minibuses and headed back into the centre of Magaluf, specifically to a bar called Britannia Bar where the drinks were free-flowing once again and there was another live singer. By this point I was raring to dance and luckily for me there was a raised stage, so I jumped on up and joined the crowd. Spurred on by some colleagues, I started shaking my booty in a way in which Beyonce would be proud and took it upon myself to teach one of my male colleagues how to do the same (still wearing my gala dinner dress…you’ve got to keep it classy, peeps). However, the phrase “white guys can’t dance” was created for this man. Wooden as a board. Even with my amazing dancing skills, I couldn’t work miracles with this one. I carried on by myself regardless, in a crazy vodka haze.

The night ended at 6am and only ended then because there was nowhere willing to stay open any longer to accommodate us. Walking back to the hotel I was so intoxicated I fell into a bush and had to be helped out by one of our suppliers whom I had barely spoken to all evening. It wasn’t my finest moment. And my boss just laughed.

As far as work conferences go, this was by far the most entertaining I have ever attended. And I would hate for any of my readers to get the impression that I’m a lush (I can keep up with the best of them, but this kind of behaviour is not a regular occurrence *ahem*). But it was at that point that I realised that any company who knew how to party as hard as this was the kind of company I wanted to work for.