Before moving to Amsterdam, I never really thought of myself as becoming an expat. That was always a word bandied around by other people. Older people, who had their life together. Not me. This move was just yet another element of my world travels, nothing different or strange.
And for the first couple of months, it still felt like that. Despite having spent lots of time in the city previously, it was new and shiny and didn’t feel like “real life”. Then the bills started coming through the door and the days took on a much more routine feel. And all of a sudden, I realised that my new lifestyle was more permanent than I had led myself to believe. I was becoming….gulp…an expat.
But wait, weren’t expats creepy old men who moved to Asia looking for “companionship”? Well, no. Technically an expat is anyone who lives in a country that isn’t their home country. So now that was me. I lived here. I had bills and an address that people could actually post stuff to (a novelty after so long on the road). And with that comes its own difficulties.
I don’t understand the language
This is my own fault and I totally accept that. I didn’t have the time to learn Dutch before I moved here because the decision was rather a last-minute one and now I’m here I’m struggling to find the time or the money to dedicate to learning the language full time. Yes, luckily almost everyone speaks English and I know basic words and phrases to get me by, but when someone says something smiley to me in passing while walking the dog or in the supermarket, it’d be nice to know what they were saying. This part makes me sad and reminds me that technically I’m an outsider. Also, it sure would be nice to understand the official-looking letters that come through the post without having to rely on temperamental Google Translate.
The rules are different
Taxes, laws and healthcare are all different here and it disorientates me. Coming from a place where I never had to pay VAT or to see a doctor, this annoys and confuses me in equal measure. When you haven’t grown up somewhere, it’s sometimes difficult to understand WHY you have to do certain things, or how they came to be; you’re just expected to do them and be ok with it. These decisions were all made before you moved there and there’s not much you can do about it.
It can be lonely
I talked about this a little in my last post, but moving to a foreign country means saying goodbye to your family and friends back home. Sure, you can hop on a plane and see them once in a while, but it’s not the same. And, as the papers are always telling us, it’s harder to make friends in your 30s. Sometimes you want to have a bit of banter with people who know you or who “get” your sense of humour, but instead there is a small language barrier or just a differing opinion.
Sometimes other expats suck
I hate to say this, but something I’ve noticed since moving to a new city and therefore meeting other people who’ve done the same is that there are a lot of sucky expats out there. The ones who slag off their home country and slag off the country they now live in too. Nothing pleases them, which constantly leaves you wondering why they moved there in the first place. It’s one thing to moan about your birthplace, but when you’ve purposefully decided to live in a different country, don’t bitch about the people, the customs and the weather. You chose it.
You worry about missing out on exciting things at home
This doesn’t just relate to family and friends (like weddings, birthdays and births), but also to major festivals, political events and pop culture in your home country. Sometimes I worry that I’m going to totally lose touch with the UK and what’s going on, as well as feeling sad that I miss out on being part of things.
All of these things have left me feeling out of place at one time or another since I became an expat. They’ve had me feeling lost and that maybe I made a big mistake. But on the other hand, they’ve also made me appreciate my home country more than ever before. And they’ve also made me realise just how diverse the world is and that I’m a grown up now and I need to take responsibility for the decisions I’ve made. I’m not going to run away, but rather I’m going to try and build a new life in a new city and embrace it as fully as I can.
Hi Julia – thanks for a good and honest post. I’m tweeting it out this morning. I lived in Amsterdam for 20+ years myself as an expat, so I know both the hard parts and the really joyful parts. For you or anyone else struggling with expat life, we offer online coaching support for expats – I thought I’d mention it here.
Hi Julia, I really appreciate the honesty in this post. I moved to Amsterdam three months ago and I’m also struggling to think of myself as an expat, but I can completely relate to all these things, particularly the little annoyances that come with not yet speaking the language. Thanks for the great blog!
Thanks for reading! 🙂
I feel you. It is tough, we just have to muddle on through when it gets like that in the faith that everything will work out in the end (which it does).xxx
Glad I’ve discovered your blog. Skipping around in the travel sections and already learned a lot. Thanks! The hubby and I want to make Spain a base for us during retirement. (Well, my heart lies in France but we’re going with what’s feasible and affordable.)
We are introverts, middle-aged, human secularists and we are not comfortable with much of what we see in the United States. We don’t ‘relate’ to a lot of Americans; not into the consumer lifestyle. Fortunately, we are each other’s best friend because as you mentioned, making friends past 30 is difficult. So we quit trying:) I have dreamed of living in Europe for decades and I know it’s possible I would tire of it, but sure want to at least experience it for a while.
Hi Trishia – thanks for stopping by! I definitely agree that you need to try living abroad before you know how it will work out. There are so many benefits to experiencing a different culture firsthand and it’s great that you and your husband have got each other to go through it with. It’s definitely difficult (more so than I’d thought) but a lot of that comes from missing family etc. back home as opposed to getting sick of the new culture and people. Having said that, some people take to it straightaway and never get homesick – that might just be you!